Why Gifts and Challenges Matters

When you understand clearly what your gifts are, as well as where your challenges lie, you can experience the refreshing honesty and clarity this provides- once you know it’s the same for everyone. Often children and adults feel this extreme isolation, brought about by the erroneous thinking that they are “the only ones” who have this much difficulty with a particular challenge. When you believe this, you have a strong sense of shame that begins to erode and corrupt your learning process. I believe the learning process is meant to be a grand, joyful experiment at the buffet of life- with all its countless, fascinating subjects.

If you are encountering road blocks to this enjoyment because of a challenge you particularly have, you will typically go into avoidance behavior or negative self-talk regarding your native intelligence. But what if you knew that these challenges are a normal part of life, and that there is always help along the way, and that there is no shame in needing help. What if you knew this deeply and matter-of-factly and you didn’t have to convince yourself? You would potentially be empowered to pursue many more areas of interest with much more hope and optimism than people usually have in those situations. You would not only believe in yourself, you would believe in others.

If you are ranking yourself and basing your sense of self on being good at something and are overly self-congratulatory about your gifts, you will eventually encounter someone whose gift is stronger than your own. This could cause you to feel great self-doubt or shake your belief in yourself. What if you knew that everyone has their own gifts and what if you had learned to acknowledge others’ abilities without any sense of comparison or jealousy? What if you honored your own gifts as “gifts” that you were given at birth, and realized that they are not something that you deserved or earned? You would potentially have a humble and true sense of your abilities along a continuum. You would see your gifts as ever- evolving opportunities to exercise for the pure sake of creativity, and ultimately, as a valued contribution when they are shared with others.How would this change our children, our schools, our society?

How to Get Out of the Comparison Jungle

Once the child realizes that he or she is in the comparison jungle- the place where negative thoughts about individual abilities has got one entangled in an uncomfortable thicket of thorns and weeds…The next step is to validate for the child, the fact that it is very normal to get caught there-not reprehensible, but just a fact of life. To help expose the laughableness of erroneous thought patterns characteristic of the world of comparison is key to helping someone escape and return to themselves- their own unique specialness and essential place in the world.

Negative thoughts to shed the light of truth on: “I should be good at everything.” “I should already know this.” “I don’t want others to see that I am still learning-there is shame in that.” “If others think I am the best then that means that I am more important.” “I need to be more important than others to feel that I am worthy.” “My efforts are not good enough-there must be something wrong with me.” “I shouldn’t even try. The first lie is that each person should be good at everything. The antidote for that is in the form of questioning-does it make sense that everyone should have gifts in everything? Would you have time to use all those gifts? A rapid role play of someone trying to exercise six different gifts, back to back or simultaneously, in a short time frame, with a Marx Brothers approach to comedy would be delightfully eye opening. Do your gifts make you a better person than someone else? No, you are already valuable and needed, even if you had all challenges. This is because your presence here has something to teach you and something to give to the world. No one can take that away from you.

What is a Gifts & Challenges Day Like?

The day starts with the story of Gifts and Challenges. The teacher can tell the version from the book or use a real life classroom experience. Authentic is best!

Next, each teacher goes up to the board and visually shares their own gifts and challenges with the children. They speak honestly and matter-of-factly, with sprinklings of humor and humility to hold the childrens íinterest.

The children are then set free to fill out their own Gifts and Challenges charts.

Concentration vibes are palpable as they mark each of the items. This is the first time some of the children have really heard and absorbed the idea that everyone has both gifts and challenges. Others are old hands, but obviously delighted to hear the information again. Many of them have comments or anecdotes they would like to share! What if your gift is talking? What if your gift is basketball? When I was little, I had a gift for whistling – my parents were so surprised when they heard me. Some people have a secret gift.

Talking About Leadership

How do we talk about leadership with our children?  I believe we must feed them a diet of what good leadership looks like. Reading stories about our true heroes and heroines fills a real and natural appetite that children in the lower elementary stage already possess.

The early biographies are perfect for this task. So far this year, we have read about Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, Florence Nightingale, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, and Eleanor Roosevelt, to name a few. Their rapt attention during these simple stories is ample proof that they need and want to hear about the true lives of these brave, altruistic, determined individuals. They often read and re-read these books on their own, with no prompting from their teachers.

One of the special heroines for our class is Jane Goodall, whose work on behalf of chimpanzees and their habitat, has inspired us for many years. We see through her work, what tireless dedication, a positive message, and a hopeful attitude can do. 

How Parents Can Use Gifts and Challenges

When your child first comes home with their gifts and challenges chart, plan some quiet time when you can spend a few moments looking at the chart with your child. The golden opportunity is to allow your child to share with you their own impressions of their abilities, while you listen with acceptance and respectful interest. Your comments can come later if it seems helpful or needed.

Some children will perceive that they have all gifts and no challenges (this is rare, but don’t be alarmed or attempt to change their perspective), others will be surprisingly accurate, and still others will be generous or strict in their self-evaluations.

With the passage of time the children naturally change their impressions. Challenges become talents or gifts, and gifts may become more challenging. The point is to teach children these terms early, so that they are an automatic frame of reference when they think about their learning. The other point of power within this lesson is that children are telling themselves what they think about their learning with no coaching from adults. This is an emotionally liberating experience and a mind expanding mental exercise, regardless of how they fill out their charts.